Hiems Clamate
by Jumping in Winter
Summary: An analysis on Gray's state of mind during the six month break after Tartaros. Light friendship themes. Does get a little dark.
1. Winter's Howl

A/N This is set during the six months after Tartaros when Gray and Juvia were living together. A small analysis of the possible events and the mindset of Gray that transpired during this time frame.

Please feel free to express your opinions. Any feedback is welcome. Enjoy!

* * *

Winter's Howl

* * *

It wasn't necessarily his right to think the way he did. Few things remained in this world that he did have a right to, but this type of thing warranted his current attitude. It was unacceptable. It was abhorrent. It was so terrible, that he figured this was the worst event of his life. Worst of all, there wasn't a single aspect he could influence.

He despised it, loathed it, and wanted it removed from his life. His, o' so terrible life...

Certainly, it wasn't his right. Yet, it was a part of him. He couldn't remove it, change, transform, or destroy it. It, however, remains, remained, and will remain.

It was hell. Worse than hell. He was so deep. He could not see the light. Even more climactic, there was no way out. A prison. Nay, his prison.

He wanted to blame someone for it. Anyone...

Stuck...

Trapped...

Nowhere to run...

Nowhere to hide...

The darkness within him screaming...

The brightness within him beaming...

A date with Juvia!

Woe is him!

* * *

Gray wasn't a cruel man. Indeed, he had his brighter, kinder moments (the inverse was also true). Yet, he was apprehensive. Very much so. Snow had been pelting the small cabin they had been living in and the frost was harsh. He, of course, didn't mind this much. Frankly, he wouldn't have noticed had it not been for her shivering and soft moaning during the night time. Juvia was not partial to the cold. This much he learned quickly. Surprising, considering her admiration for him.

An act of kindness could be misconstrued as an act of love, he thought, and, well, he didn't want to encourage her. His purpose in life wasn't to be happy or have a family. Kids, a house, a bourgeois lifestyle.

He thought about it many times. Settling down with Juvia. She was willing. Sometimes, she was too willing to pursue that life.

He couldn't do it.

Something prevented him. A darkness. A devil. An overwhelming sense of... something.

Besides, he was conflicted about his own feelings. The passing of his late father. The acquiring of powers that he didn't understand (or fully control).

She was, or seemed to be, far above this morose sense of duty calling him. Free and light like a petal dancing in the wind. A feather carried off into a gentle stream. The harmonious thrum of rain falling on a wooden ceiling. Calm, serene, and in a way, beautiful.

She was pretty. He was no fool. Her admiration for him, to him, seemed only to exist because of some passing infatuation. At least, this is what he told himself. Quite a passing infatuation.

He had experienced similar thoughts and feelings not too long ago himself. He had compassion for her, he was no monster. He was, perhaps, in some way afraid. Afraid of what could happen if he allowed himself. Afraid of bringing her down to his level.

This magic was not love's magic. It was not protective magic.

However, this magic of his, it was almost a siren's call.

Lulling him to sleep.

Molding his soul.

Turning it to shades he didn't want to see.

Her soft painful hums, as she fumbled around in bed at night, trying to find warmth, were becoming too much for him to bear. He wasn't cruel and no friend of his would suffer a moment longer if he could help it.

One particular night, the frost was especially biting, and she just couldn't seem to get the right sleeping position. Constantly shifting. Shivering so much that the frame of the cot was practically experiencing a small earthquake. Frankly, it was almost annoying and he couldn't bear it any longer. So what some would call cute and heart-warming, he called being a good friend.

He called her.

A soft call. "Juvia..."

She fumbled once more and answered, through chattering teeth, a yearning reply, "Gray-sama?"

"Are you alright?" He asked rhetorically, he had already made up his mind.

She hummed in the affirmative.

Naturally, it was a lie. A white, frosty lie. She could hardly admit to him that she was freezing. If her hair wasn't blue before, she was certain it would be now.

Gray, steeling his resolve for what was to come, called out again a little more forcefully.

"Juvia, are you cold?"

She sat up in her bed, holding the sheets tightly around her, trying in vain to conserve heat.

"Gray-sama, Juvia will survi..."

Gray cut her off, "Juvia, are you cold?"

The wind howled and hissed as it blasted against their tiny cabin.

"Juvia... is a little chilly." Juvia admitted this reluctantly. Her Gray would think that she is weak. She was also disappointed in herself for not being able to resist the cold. He would never love her now. She could feel the tears threatening her eyes. No, she would be strong and prove herself to him.

She peered into the darkness. She couldn't see very far. The outline of Gray in the bed opposite her. The last embers struggling in the fireplace.

"Juvia, never repeat this to anyone."

She froze with shock, what could possibly be the... Her thought, however, was interrupted as she felt Gray move next to her.

"Juvia shift a little."

She acquiesced and Gray climbed into the bed next to her. Their arms were touching. She was as stiff as a board. Strangely, she didn't feel cold anymore.

They lay down together. Not entirely comfortable. Not entirely uncomfortable.

"Gray-sama..."

"It's an icy night. Didn't want you to get sick."

Juvia smiled contentedly. Her Gray-sama was so thoughtful and caring.

"We need a few supplies; I am going down to Amefurashi Village tomorrow morning. Do you want to come with?"

Juvia hummed in the affirmative.

"Try to get some rest."

Juvia, however, was wide awake. Not only was her Gray-sama sharing the same bed with her, they were going on a date the following morning. Her heart fluttered in excitement.

Maybe he would finally notice her.

* * *

Gray woke up to pitch black.

A voice reverberated through him. It was loud and screeching. Searing through his head. A white hot flash penetrating his skull.

"GRAYYYY!"

"AAARRRE YOUUU AFFFRAAIDDD?!"

"YOU MUST DESTROY E.N.D."

The world around Gray was beginning to melt and for the first time in a long time, he felt cold. It was biting, unrelenting, and raw.

"YOU MUST DESTROY E.N.D."

Something was crawling around on his arm. It wrapped around his wrist and forearm.

"YOU ARE ALONE, GRAY."

"YOU CANNOT PROTECT YOURSELF, MUCH LESS YOUR FAMILY!"

"YOU MUST DESTROY E.N.D.!"

The darkness began to swirl in front of him, forming a face. A sinister face in front of him. His own face.

"Accept your destiny. You were marked by the demon Delioria through the death of your family. You remain marked. Are you willing to let your family die again?"

Gray found his voice and howled at the face, "Never! No matter what!"

The darkness retracted and Gray was left alone.

Something searing hot was crawling over his arm. Gray wanted to scream in agony but no sound escaped him. It was spitting all over his body, covering his chest and face. It bubbled and felt like it was going to burn right through his skin.

It burned him so intensely, he felt like he was going to die.

The voice returned, "YOU MUST KILL E.N.D."

Gray was in pure agony.

"I will destroy E.N.D.! No matter what! I will do whatever needs to be done."

"YOU DO NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF TERROR! BE CERTAIN, YOU WILL"

* * *

Gray awoke to a tangled mess of blue on his chest. He grimaced. He knew she was going to pull this out of context at some point during the day.

It was still early morning. Only a few tentative rays of sunshine dared peak through the most minute cracks in the cabin and into the darkness of the cabin. It was going to be a beautiful day.

At least, he hoped as much...


	2. Winter's Eye

A / N: Thank you for reading! If you have any opinion or remark, good or bad, please feel free to express it. Enjoy!

* * *

Winter's Eye

* * *

There was no life-changing event. No grand gesture. No final bright light to indicate the end. It was quick. It was anti-climactic.

The moment passed in a soft whisper. Their gentle caress of love was bittersweet.

The first breaking light hardly offended Juvia's senses. Her present state of comfort was so luxurious that harsh reality could barely reach her.

She was usually quite cold as the first morning light would fouse the world awake. The sides of her arms chilly due to nighttime frost. This morning, however, she felt as if she had died and had gone to heaven.

It was a bliss she had never experienced before in her life. Her head rested on a pillow so comfortable that she believed only a god could have made it.

Speaking of gods, her godsend graced her dreams. He was especially charming and chivalrous, saving her from vile foes, holding her securely in his arms, laying to rest his blue, shining eyes on her. Their eyes met and they swam for days in the love they expressed for each other.

She rated it as the second best dream of her life.

She never wanted it to end. She felt so warm, so comfortable, so rested, so safe, that she didn't want to wake up again.

Her dreams were, however, to be cruelly interrupted.

Her pillow was moving!

She peeked warily through heavy eyelids at this strange disturbance. A shocking development. She peered right into her soon-to-be paramour's face. Suffice it to say, her face burnt up like a napalm fire.

He was still asleep as far as she could tell. Juvia was very hesitant at this moment. She didn't want to wake him. This was the first time that she could gaze into her love's face this closely. In reality. A rare opportunity. One she was determined not to spoil.

And look she did!

Every fine detail was carefully observed and memorized.

The slope and angle of his nose. The posture of his mouth. The fullness of his lips. The position of his eyes. Even the scars still gracing his features from his many battles.

They were especially prominent for her. He was a warrior. A strong and able one.

She wondered whether he took pride or shame in them. She assumed pride. They weren't overly disfiguring and added a type of aesthetic to his face that was quite pleasing to observe. At least for her eyes.

This was the closest to him that she had ever gotten. This was the first time she could truly look at him. She was not disappointed. No dream could ever compare to this. His sculpted body and strong, handsome features were enough to make her melt.

Oh, what a wonderful moment!

She tightened her arms around him, closed her eyes, and sighed in contentment.

How she hoped this moment would never end!

* * *

"It is quite ironic that you are in the position you are in, Gray. Frankly, I wouldn't have bothered with you."

Gray grimaced. This had been going on forever. Inane platitudes spouted by some apparition pretending to be a member of his family. Why couldn't he have pleasant dreams?

"Possibly, because you silently crave suffering. Possibly, because you silently crave the truth."

Truth? He knew the truth! The truth was that he was a part of Fairy Tail until death. Nothing could change that. No matter how strong his desire to destroy E.N.D. was.

"Oh, Gray, you amuse me! Ha, you think you know! You really don't. Trust me on this."

It was getting tiresome and he couldn't wait until sunrise.

"You know, Gray, you don't even know what you don't know. I can't be bothered pointing it out to you. Really, I think you must have been dropped on the head as a child. Is anyone really this thick?"

Gray smirked. He could think of someone that fit that description.

"Ah, yes, the famous Natsu Dragneel. The loyal, the brave, the well of hidden power and complexity. You consider him to be a part of your family. Yet, you have some dislike and resentment for him."

This was true. As much as he respected Natsu, he really knew how to grate on his nerves. Much more than anyone else in the guild.

"How about the rest of your guild? Lucy, Elfman, Cana, Erza and all the rest? Are they really your family? Answer honestly now, Gray."

Of course they were. They were his family. Fought and bled for. On all sides. He would sacrifice it all for them.

"Oh, Gray, very disappointing! I was expecting it, but I didn't anticipate the naïveté of your answer. Do you really believe that they would do the same?"

Gray hardened at this attack. This apparition had no right.

"I have the only right! Tell me honestly, would they give what you give? Would they sacrifice what you would sacrifice?"

Yes and a thousand times more, yes! They are truly amazing in their devotion to the guild. As much and even more than he is. They were his family, bound with ties that none could hope to break.

"Your family is dead, Gray! Destroyed by the demon, Deliora, when you were still a child! No matter how much you wish for the attachment, you will never be satisfied by anything else other than your true family!"

Lies, masqueraded by touching a still open wound in his soul. His family was Fairy Tail! Fairy Tail was his family! What did it aim to gain?

"I want you to realize that your family, your true family, reside within. Their strength is your strength. But you have been irreperably damaged by the darkness that covers this strength! Yet, you will not hear me!"

His only family was Fairy Tail! Not some family that he barely knew or can remember with the exception of some half imitation of his father, Silver.

"You seek the destruction of E.N.D, but you fail to observe the path that will lead you to it! You must accept the truth. You must see the light of it!"

He could see no light. All that was left was the cold and the dark. Nothing had changed since Deliora. He was still that small boy, left alone in the snow with nothing and nowhere to call home. Fairy Tail was his saving grace. Even that had fallen.

"You must open your eyes, Gray! Your strength does not simply come from within or from your love for your friends. Yours is one that is born from the tragedy and pain of loss. As Ur once did for you, so are you willing to do for them! Willing to make the sacrifice of not only the body, but of the spirit! This is where the strength of you true family lies! As your father aimed to do, so will you do the same! It is your birthright!"

His family was dead, Ur was sacrificed, and even Fairy Tail is threatened by forces that seek to end it. How long was he willing to play the fiddle while his family was destroyed? How long was he willing to dance around the truth while his guild burned?

"You must accept yourself. Only then could you hope to fulfill your goals. You must illuminated the grey that surrounds yourself."

"Gray, how far are you willing to go?"

To the ends and beyond the known and unknown worlds!

* * *

Juvia felt Gray shift beneath her and she was ready to declare her undying love for him once and for all. The time had come and she couldn't wait any longer. Her love burned within her with the fire of a million suns.

She steeled her resolve and readied her voice. She would convince him!

Yet as she opened her eyes, expecting to see the gentle face of her love, she was slightly shocked by the flecks of black covering a portion of his eye. Even more, a section of his torso was blackened.

Instead of the stormy blue that she so dearly loved, a menacing red had taken its place.

She must have had shocked expression covering her face because Gray had asked whether she was alright.

She was more astonished than anything else. What had caused this sudden change?

"Juvia, what is it?"

"Gray-sama! Your eye!" She exclaimed.

Gray jerked his hand to feel his eye. It didn't hurt. In fact, he felt better than he had in quite some time.

"What's wrong?"

Juvia lifted herself up and sat across from him.

Gray didn't tend to sentimentality but there was something to be said for the Juvia's beauty at that moment. It was her very disheveled appearance that suited her. Her hair was wild, going into every possible direction. The crease in her night clothes that complemented their wearer. Her soft pout that she only got when she looked at him. She was the last taste of home, here in the deep mountain.

She must've noticed his stare since a light pink graced her pale cheeks. Quite a contrast to her river blue eyes.

"Gray-sama, I..." Juvia's throat tightened. There was something slightly unsettling about the nature of his appearance. Her confidence had all but abandoned her. She couldn't find the words."

Gray swerved his legs out of the bed and onto the wooden floor. He stood up and turned to face her.

"Juvia, don't be afraid," he smiled with his red eye glinting at her, "I'm not a villain."


End file.
